imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
