Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I need a beard to bite.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
