Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
