i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
