You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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