Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
