You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
