Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We have started to decorate penises.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
