tell your sister to shave her snatch
my being single is dangerous.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
