We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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