so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
