My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
