Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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