I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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