just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
