She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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