I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
