Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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