Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
