Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
smell my finger.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
