I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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