dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize