Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
