you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
i've created a new STD.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
