Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
