Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
