pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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