Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
