Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
my liver is dry heaving
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
