win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
