You're earring is so big in my mouth
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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