I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
