so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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