My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
