my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
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