Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
i am craving dick and cupcakes
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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