Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Every concussion has its silver lining
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
