So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
