I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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