oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
