So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
