I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
