bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Why can't burritos get me drunk
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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