I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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