So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
