Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
