remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
