Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
