So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
