saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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