I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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