just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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