im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
