so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
